Discombobulation Station

It's hard out there for a...single girl

Got this Wednesday night date wrap-up from a friend, and I feel terrible. People like this simply should not go out, or be on the internet at all. 

____________________

The date was....awful.  Total waste of lipstick.  This guy...was maybe the most negative human being I've had to sit through a meal with.  He hates everything.  Honestly.  Not bad looking, though not necessarily good looking either.  If he had a great personality, he could have been cute, but he had no discernible personality whatsoever.  First, we sat down and were looking over the menus.  I asked him if he was originally from Chicago.  He looked up at with with a sort of deer in the headlights look and said, gesturing to the menu "Um, can we do this first, because I can't do two things".  Really?  You can't peruse a menu and make small talk at the same time?  Also, he hardly EVER looked me in the eye.  He stared about a foot to the right of me.  He's a professor but said that he hated teaching.  He teaches social psychology, and I was asking what it was and how it differed from "regular" psychology.  It took him about 15 minutes to explain what it was.  Not because he was saying so much about it, but because he seemed to have no idea.  I asked him, if he hated teaching so much, what he wanted to do, what was his dream job.  He said "nothing".  What TV shows did he watch?  "I hate TV".  What movies?  "I really hate movies".  So, what do you do for fun, I asked?  "What do you mean?"  Well, at the end of the day, when you come home from work, what do you do?  "I don't know."  Well, what makes you happy?  "Happy?"  There has to be something, in the world, that makes you smile!  He floundered for a few minutes before stammering out that he was looking forward to winter because he liked the cold "but not in a good way".  He didn't like the food, except the fries which he referred to as "salty".  Then he pulled out a book on philosophers he was reading and asked me what I thought about a passage about Nietzsche.  I left as soon as I deemed it polite and ran home to watch Project Runway.

_________________________

I have to give my friend credit for trying to get some nugget of positivity out of him. I once had a date with a "comedian" which went much the same way. Such darkness....*shudder*. 

Maybe tonight we get my buddy a nice karaoking Korean boy, no?

E.

Tourist Season Has Begun

Overheard in Millennium Park yesterday, after getting up off the lovely grass and noticing an older couple with Southern accents, looking lost:

"Don't they have chiggers here? Look at all those people sitting in the grass!"

Another reason why Chicago is #1: we can sit in the grass. (What is a chigger?)

E.

Springtime Sneaks Up

E. & JenG walking from Century Theatre to Scottish pub on Clark Street. JenG hoping that there are no kids in pub so we can smoke cigarettes with abandon. Upon passing window:

"There's a DAMN kid in there!"

[young dad holding baby, about 7 months, facing window and most importantly close to door]

E. notices the door is WIDE open and we scurry across the street. Ooops. We are assholes. Jen is very loud as well.

For the record, JenG loves kids. Just not in the pub when she wants to smoke cigarettes. A. I'm sure you can chime in on this, living in Park Slope and all.  They don't get the beer garden!

E.

O.P.D

You down with O.P.D.? That's Other People's Drama and I think its pretty fantastic, as long as it never involves you.

Saturday night, after having a near run in with my own neighborhood nemesis, we settled into the local Irish pub which had expectedly turned into a loud yuppie pick up joint, it being a weekend night.  We were about to leave for lack of seats when the very sweet owner proffered two barstools and we sat down at a ledge that proved quite comfortable. Next to us two girls were being accosted by drunk men wearing stripy polo shirts. I continued my pseudo-intellectual conversation with M., happy that it wasn't me.

The Blog Is Depressed

Because A. has been away for like, ever, and doesn't even email or call. We get short texts like "argh meeting never ending" or "you Ok?" but beyond that and a quick call I couldn't really even take - nada. Sigh. Depressing. Good thing there's a reunion coming up. Yes, dear readers, DiscoStation reunion in NYC Memorial Day weekend. I will be emailing youse close by to see if you can join in the festivities.

In other news, I must share this funny train anecdote. I was taking the Red Line south yesterday morning, sans ipod because I drunkenly left it at downtown Sam's, and the woman directly behind me answered her telephone. It went something like this:

"Hi Dad. Yes I need to talk to you really bad, but I'm on the train right now. I really need to talk to you. But we're going to go underground soon. Are you going to be at this number in twenty minutes? Because I really need to talk to you. [My interest is piqued - did she forget to do her taxes? Does she need money? I'm not sure because I don't have this needy relationship with my dad. I just hint when I need money, which is hardly ever.] Dad, Mark left me. He left me! I don't know what to do. I'm either totally hysterical or so angry I can't stand it. [At this point everyone in the vicinity has completely stopped reading, transfixed on the last word that caught their eye and listening for more info.] I don't know what to do! Well, he said he didn't want me to go to Italy with him. So now I have this ticket, and nowhere to stay! And he's under the impression that we're going to date when he gets back. He's like, can't I just see you when I get back? And he's been binge drinking Dad! He's like, drunk all the time. He never used to drink at all! I don't know what to do. Ok ok, I'll call you later, love you bye."

Is that bizarre or what? I have a few issues with this, however. If someone you are "dating" tells you that you are no longer going on vacation with them, how does that constitute said someone "leaving you"? Don't you have to be living together or married or something more serious to say something like that? Do you think she's really upset or does she want something from her dad? Who calls their dad when their drunk boyfriend says he'd rather go to Italy alone and hit on Italian women? Also, I will always be fascinated with how much personal information people give away when they are on their cell phones. Sometimes its nice not to have my headphones on.

E.

Here's to the Bottoms

Sam emails from Budapest, Hungary:

I overheard an interesting snippet of someone's cell phone convo on the way to the Danube: 
"My people are solid.  My people only deal with top people..."
I looked at him and he saw me, turned away and ducked around the corner.

E.

Ha Ha You So Funny

A. has obviously got me all excited about our upcoming trip to Hermosa, and she is crackin my shit up with phrases like the following:

You do have a magic party faerie.  Lucky!   Much better than an unmagical coked-up Irishman on your doorstep.

HA HA HA HA HA HA.

E.

All I Know Is There Were Rumors

My co-author often has looked upon your gal in NYC in wonderment, for a tendency towards indiscretion in sidewalk chatter. But.

Can't compete with these gentlemen.

xoxo, A

DY-NO-MITE!

My coauthor is so sweet to me.

I will indeed write on the concert for ya'll -- later. Work is kicking my ass today. But just really quick, get this.

Midway through our 3 hour staff meeting this morning, my boss (the president of the company, and a grey-haired though relatively young grandmother), after a bit of good news, suddenly started shouting:

SWEET! SWEEET! SWEEEEEET! VOTE FOR PEDRO!

It was so...so...I have no words. Swaying Jenny and I about fell out of our chairs.

xoxo, A

They See Your Every Move

I've been listening (first item). A lot.

And here's a D-Station exclusive, Overheard on the N train:

"So, I told him, people don't come to the bathroom to say, oh it smell so nice, oh it smell like flowers. Naw! They come in, they take off they clothes, and they PEE!"

xoxo, A