Discombobulation Station

Motorcyle Tips

So I email my best friend in Columbus about this and that (usually responding to cute pics and videos relating to her kids, who are my nieces in more ways than the usual) and I finally ask her, "can you explain counter-steering to me?" A very complicated question, and I was delighted with her response.

Rachel’s Tips to Successful Motorcycling:

1.         When you go to stop and make a right turn, get to the furthest right point of the street pointing your bike where you want to go, before you stop

2.         Always use both brakes at once until it becomes natural … that one has saved my life twice

3.         Keep lipstick in an easy to access pocket for your right hand, so you can freshen-up at stoplights

4.         When things get a little squirrely around a tight turn, speed up a little bit

5.         Bring moist towlettes so you can wipe down the gunk off your face once you arrive at your destination

6.         When in doubt, you can always pull the clutch in and go back down to 1, and then go back up to where you want to be

7.         Rachel’s rules of thumb (that Matt gets mad because I should be able to hear when to change gears):

    a.                  1^st: 0-10 (never down-shift to 1^st for turns / parking lots … oops!)

    b.                  2^nd:  10-25

    c.                  3^rd:  25-40

    d.                  4^th: 40-50

    e.                  5^th: 50-110

8.         Keep your keys in your hand when walking into biker bars to subtly represent …I ride my own, bitches

9.         Back into your parking spot … nice and easy exit and according to biker lore, that’s for tough-bikers to have a quick get-a-way

10.         Don’t have kids if you want to avoid fatalistic thoughts about your tire falling off and launching off a bridge.

11.         Don’t’ ride next to cars without an escape plan of where you could go if they “got up on over on you”

12.         Rev, Rev, Rev if someone’s getting up in your business (Matt’s friend Robert would suggest kicking their driver’s door, I’m not that steady / talented)

13.         If you’re having a claustrophobia attack in a tunnel, sing Folsom Prison Blues

Brilliant advice if I do say so myself! My favorites are numbers 3, 5 and 8.

E.

Riding The Iron Horse

I had my first bike lesson last weekend, which was significant because it was the first time I was on a motorcyle – by myself. I have been beating myself up about it for months now. Every since motoboy announced on a trip to Virginia last fall that he had traded in his racing bike for a bike for me. A 1976 Honda CB550. It’s a beautiful bike, and had a lot what I would look for in a motorcycle – its classic, clean, lithe and vintage. But remember, that’s 500ccs more than I am used to.

In the ensuing months, as he totally rebuilt it, cleaned all the pipes, replaced gaskets, painted and pinstriped the gas tank, I would sometimes sit on it on its center stand and think: no way. It’s just so much bigger than my scooter. I couldn’t even manage the kick start once it was street-ready. I certainly couldn’t finagle it back unto its center stand. It was very very heavy.

But in the meantime, I was waking up with lucid dreams that I was on a motorcycle. Granted, scootering season is well upon us, and I have been racking up a lot of miles on my trusty Honda Elite that I have been riding for 10 years without incident. At first the dreams were just tangentially related to motorcycles – I knew I was on one but I have no recollection of the actual mechanics of the thing. And as I started to discuss with other motorcycling friends my worry about being able to master the gear controls (my scooter is “twist and go”) they all scoffed. “You can drive a stick car right? You’ve been riding a scooter in city traffic all this time? It’s a piece of cake.” I still wasn’t sure.

However seeing and sitting on my roommate’s 60s era Honda 160, I started to realize I could mount that puppy. I would sit in motoboy’s garage and practice going through the motions: start, clutch, first, gas, ease. I imagined I would learn on the smaller bike and I was excited about it. The smaller bike, however, has been put into a holding pattern that is motoboy’s garage projects, so it was only a frame for me to gaze upon and fantasize with.

At some point I had the whole dream – I was on the big bike. I vividly remember going through the motions of going through gears – one click down for first, half click to neutral, then up to second and third. I was really riding, and it was an adventure dream. One of my specialties where I have to save lives and conquer the bad guys. I love these dreams because they are built like TV shows and I always win, the sexy heroine.

So at some point I told motoboy I would be ready for a lesson. And Saturday, although I was hungover and feeling a little digestively-challenged, so to speak, I showed up at our pre-arranged time.

We simply wheeled out to the grade school parking lot across the alley from his garage. We got out there, he left it idling on the kickstand, and nodded for me to get on. “Just like this? Just go for it?” Which is kind of what I wanted to do all along. No three hour talk session before we get going. He knew that I knew where everything was. I just wasn’t sure my body would respond to it. My first challenge was just to get it in gear – you can be engaged in first and ride the clutch while gassing slightly to see where that magical place is where the clutch subsides and you get a little movement. For this I could even keep my feet on the ground. After about two goes at this, I was feet up, going forward. Around the corner and back. Probably a good 5 miles per hour. But my main concern was not to drop the bike, so I rode that clutch like a bitch. Soon enough I was grinning ear to ear, going around that tiny parking lot with confidence. At some point I kinda felt like I was on one of those rides at an amusement park, where the car is on a track and all you have to do is not try to hit the cars in front of you. The thing just went of its own compulsion. My next lesson was to find neutral while riding, and try to get into second. I did that no problem, and enjoyed the hum of the engine in second gear intensely. Back to first though to practice my stops. Finding neutral in a stopped position proved elusive, so I just held it in first while I got my next instructions. We did a little stopping practice. Then a break, as it was over 85 degrees in the sun and we were being beckoned back to the garage by his friends working on an old Suzuki.

Upon our break we had someone who had just taken the practical test last week draw us some diagrams of the current road tests. Most of which I learned I had just basically completed in my little jaunt. Motoboy, although a great instructor, proved to be a bad example: not only was he wearing flip-flops and a cowboy hat, but he offered his student a beer. No I would not! Until I was sufficiently finished with the day’s instruction. Bad, bad teacher boy. But he was actually really patient and confident in me.

We used crushed beer cans as markers for a little swerving test, even as a crazy junkie went walking through the parking lot screaming obscenities at motoboy about calling the cops etc. Eventually I got hot enough and took a few laps around the lot to cool down. The result is this video, which I thought I was really showing off for. When I looked at it a few minutes later in his garage I realized it was a video of the sloooowest moving motorcycle in history. But yet – I did not crash or put it down at all, which was my biggest fear.

Enjoy the attached movie which, if you look closely and do not die of boredom, you might be able to see me grin and actually switch from first the second gear. Vroom!

E

New Week

Oh my gawd I have to work a full week of work this week?

Weekend was good. Now that I truly know what that means. I went out for happy hour with motoboy and my workmates, and we actually got picked up by our friends in the burbs (adventurous! coming downtown!) and I think the rest of them all went out later with motoboy's English friend etc. I'll get the scoop tomorrow.

Saturday we spent sanding and polishing Honda cb550 parts. My bike, which I probably saw two times put together in his frigid garage, is now in his living room - in bits. He's sortof, *between decorators* at the moment, so he bought a bit of rug from home depot and the bike got parked in there. And we polished, and I cleaned, and I even used a power tool I was not accustomed to. But let no one say I'm not trying to learn!

And the biggest news in this department is that I got my motorcycle permit license on Friday. I went with motoboy's motofriend's g-friend and she beat me by ten minutes. Which somehow meant I was 45 minutes behind her. I think the guy who had our class of numbers got on the phone for a half hour, and until I asked what was up no one was taking my E-series. But I finally got up there, and you know...I would have got 100% correct if I wasn't so dazed from people and number watching for a half hour. You try it here! But I only got one wrong because I misread "passenger" for "rider" so I know the book well, which I am now instructed by my motorcycling friends to forget. Which I will have done by April or May or whenever all this crusty snow melts.

I feel though that I am being adulterous in a way to my scooter. I would really love to just get another scooter. Although my biking friends insist that if  love scootering, and I can drive stick (which I can, even on the other side of the road, which Danny can attest to), then I will be a natural at motorcycling and I will never want to see my scooter again. Really? Is that really the right approach?

Because, if you know me, you know I love my scooter. Its a fact that every time I get on my scooter and set out for my adventure, I practially say to myself, "I love my goddam scooter." No, not practically, literally. I say it every time. I have a feeling every time I get on my motorcycle I'm going to say, "I hope I don't fucking kill myself." Those are two very different things. And I've warned motoboy that this might happen. And I might just forgo the single person motorcycling thing. And he's going to have to love me either which way.

So this week I have to work 5 days. Which is great since I'm on a day-rate, really. I haven't done this yet because of A and her baby shower and her demanding-ness and all. (Ha ha. Love you A. We had a good time.)  But also I have a 2+ hour interview at another agency on Tuesday and I am wicked nervous for some reason. Who interviews for two hours? What do they want to hear? Shall I talk about my new motorcycle? I don't know how this works anymore.

But I am very glad for the opportunity. Who am I kidding its only ad people who probably just want to know if I watch the same tv shows as them. I watch a lot of tee-vee, despite motoboy's protestations: "Why don't these people just kill themselves?" says he. And I say, "what did we talk about when I'm watching my shows?" Is there anything more postmodern than the current era reality show? I'm just being modern and hip, no?

Wish me luck.

xo

E.

New Project

Oh I am always eager to learn. Sorry for the delayed blogging. I went to land o cleve for most of last week to endure the family Christmas. I have to keep in mind not to romanticize my family's antics, because after mom trashed my art installation and dad was hardly happy for my new freelance gig, I realized I must turn to others for support and praise. Sure they love me blah blah blah but would a "hey - well done!" kill ya?

Anyhoo, I am learning so much this week about cars and diesel and veggie oil conversion. It is me and motoboy's first purchase together and we are holding out for the hero - a 90s era Mercedes 300D. I feel like making a pictogram don't ask me why! Must be all the diagrams and explanations I am demanding from others. Ok here we go.

This guy:

Plus this kit:

Equals a big:

To THE MAN. Plus, I'll get to smell like french fries. If I thought motoboy couldn't keep his hands off me before! Wait. I hope this doesn't open up Tatorgate 2008 all over again. Shouldn't do.

If you have a moment and are interested, feel free to puruse the FAQ on the Frybid site, I am much enjoying it myself and kinda want to have a beer with whoever wrote it. Informative and kinda hilarious!

I'll let you know if we get the car tomorrow. Hurrah! And Happy New Year!

AND....

HAPPY BIRFDAY A!!!

You're so beautiful! That was only last year and now you are all with child and home owning and in love and stuff. What a year!

xo

E.

New Form of Transportation

What do you think of this?

1976 Honda CB550 (not the actual bike in his garage, but same year, make and model):

Even tho I told motoboy not to, that maybe I was a scooter person and he would have to love me for it, he went ahead and traded in his racing bike for this, which he is calling "E's bike."

Don't fret I have all winter to figure out how gears work. It does fit nicely though, I can flat foot on it, and I think we are going to paint it green. And if I don't like it, he would have done so many mods and improvements to it that he could sell it for a profit. 

It's starting to grow on me. But he insists I stop taking motorcycle tips from Twilight and just get on the damn thing to learn. Soon enough. I will give it a shot. Its just for looking cool and going to Delilah's and shit. I'm not too keen on highway trips yet.

E.