Discombobulation Station

Morning Glories

Wordle is fun! And pretty! Here's mine:

Yay! Make your own!

xoxo, A

LOLOL*

You are surely familiar with the hilarious LOLCats, yes?

A funny friend took it into her own hilarious hands and made two especially for D-Station!

The first is her cat Peter Falk:

And the second, the FYC's poore blacke kitteh after his bath, you've seen him before -- but never like this!!!

Tee hee!

It's Friday!

xoxo, A

*I guess this means laugh out loud out loud, so we hope you do. -E

Absolutely Vital Information

Just in case you were wondering...

25

D Station be illin' coast-to-coast, so this is all I got for you today. More when my energy level returns to less geriatric levels!

xoxo, A

p.s. Link courtesy of the awesome Sweetney.

Jensational's Mad Skillz

Last week, after a lovely dinner at Bin with Jen G., Jenny had asked me if she could see my online personal. I had to give her my login addy in order for her to get in but it's Ok, I trust her. She replied with great enthusiasm and sent back some links of "guys I should wink at." After a few days the links stopped working so last night I asked her to login again and send me the handles she likes. She did more than that.

Below is full text of Jensational's most prodigious research on the rare and elusive breed of "Single Chicago Male":

OK, I found new guys too.  These guys are all marked as compatible with you.  I think that they’re cute and their profiles didn’t come across as skeezy, self-involved or weird.  That being said, they may still be all of the above.  Some skeezy dudes are just good writers:

clxxx  : kind of looks like he might be related to you in one photo. But he’s cute. AND he mentions Harry Potter in his profile too.  He has a good professional job (recording engineer).

paxxx: looks cute in one photo and not so cute in the others.  Is a lawyer and might be snotty.  But also might be rich.  These are the gambles we must deal with in life.  If nothing else, fancy dinner?

Moxxx: I put him on the first time too.  I think he’s very cute in that blonde preppy Sweet Valley High way.  He has a sense of humor in his responses although he does not list a career which makes me worry that he’s currently in grad school and is very poor.  But mentions wanting to fight Russell Crowe which may be funny or just oddly violent.

PSxxx: Cute in a Guido sopranos sort of way and works in “wealth management”.  I think this means mafia.  I think this is awesome. Tends to overuse exclamation points but still seems intriguing. Incorrectly uses your/you’re.  If this bothers you, pass him by.  I still think that if you have any fantasies at all about wearing a velour tracksuit while your husband comes home with odd blood stains on his semi-shiny suit, this may be a good guy to go for.

toxxx: hate his profile name but he has an older handsome quality about him like that senator dude from Sex & the City who wanted to pee on Carrie.  He makes an oprah joke and also is a Creative Director.  Sounds like you should marry him.  I hope he does not want to pee on you but if so I think maybe you should try it once just because he is cute.

mcxxx: Sort of cute but is a teacher so if you can’t find a chick when you’re a dude teacher, I’m a bit worried.  I mean honestly he probably works with more women than most men.  But perhaps he does not date at the office?  He prefers not to mention drugs which is worrisome.

shxxx: Not traditionally cute but is Irish so that’s cool. Doesn’t offer much in the way of answers but is a doctor and is irish.

7xxx: I picked him last time too. Sort of looks gay but is a therapist so maybe that’s just “sensitive man” coming off the screen. Cute anyways.

Caxxx: I picked him last time too.  He says he works in “movies” which always makes me think “porn”.  But hey, that’s good honest work so what can you do?  He also prefers not to mention drugs. Probably because he likes to sniff coke off of porn actresses butts.  But who doesn’t?

Those are my choices.  Wink at all of them.

Much appreciated! For the record the therapist guy (gay?) winked at me and I winked back. Now I think he's supposed to spend some credits and write me. Right? Is this how it works?

Also I think I might have found out why I'm not getting any messages.  My "cupid settings" were set at looking for women. So unless you scrolled through manually, I wasn't going to come up as a match to any men, or women for that matter. It was complicated.

E.

What Happened to my Cookie?

My roommate bought me a cookie. I left it on the table. I came back later and it looked like this:

Who licked my cookie?

Hint: Dad is calling the cat "the bloat."

E.

Because I'm Twelve

How can one little quiz bring back so many memories? I scored a lousy $270.50. Oh yeah we now know what the .50 is for.  Again: I am boring. Although married men are calling me today! Oh yeah. NOT. Continue boringness.

E.

This is fun to do. Just read the "offense" and if you've done it, you owe that fine. Keep going until you've read each "offense" and added up your total fine. Title your bulletin "My Bar Tab is$........" You don'thave to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine. 

Smoked pot -- $10 

Did acid -- $5 

Ever had sex at church -- $25

Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you-- $40 

Had sex with someone on My Space -- $25 

Had sex for money -- $100 

Ever had sex with the a Puerto Rican -- $20 

Vandalized something -- $20 

Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10 

Beat up someone -- $20 

Been jumped -- $10 

Crossed dressed -- $10 

Given money to stripper -- $25 

Been in love with a stripper -- $20

Kissed some one who's name you didn't know --$10 

Hit on some one of the same sex while at work-- $15 

Ever drive drunk -- $20 

Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50

Used toys while having sex -- $30 

Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20 

Went skinny dipping -- $5 

Had sex in a pool -- $20 

Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10

Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20 

Cheated on your significant other -- $10 

Masturbated -- $10 

Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend --$20 

Done oral -- $5

Got oral -- $5 

Done / got oral in a car while it was moving-- $25 

Stole something -- $10 

Had sex with someone in jail -- $25 

Made a nasty home video -- $15 

Had a threesome -- $50

Had sex in the wild -- $20 

Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25 

Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars -- $20 

Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20 

Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25 

Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50 

Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25 

Went streaking -- $5 

Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15 

Been arrested -- $5 

Spent time in jail -- $15 

Peed in the pool -- $0.50 

Played spin the bottle -- $5 

Done something you regret -- $20 

Had sex with your best friend -- $20

Had sex with someone you work with at work --$25 

Had anal sex -- $80 

Lied to your mate -- $5 

Lied to your mate about the sex being good --$25

Thirty Days Hath September, April, June, and November

Oh, we're doing this again.

Ain't you just thrilled!

(Check out our sistah Motivation Station too!)

xo,
A

It Brings All the Boys to the Yard

It's officially summer! Hot, steamy, mostly-naked summer. So, naturally, our thoughts here at D-Station turn to... mysterious lady-part grooming. Naturally.

SO! As a service to you, our faithful readership, we offer a handy hair-down-there taxonomy chart. Print and take this to your Russian* and never end up with the accidental full-telly** again!***

The Full Telly -- go bold! go bald! (for those who like their dicks morally ambiguous, alt. name on offer: "The Chiklis")

 

The Magnum P.I. -- the handlebar mustache: not just for men!

 

The Charlie's Angels -- pretty natural, but ok to wear those low-slung bikinis!

 

The Jessica Fletcher -- aka, no one has seen my vagina in YEARS.

 

Aaaand, you're WELCOME.

xoxo, A

*OK, mine is Russian. Not trying to perpetuate stereotypes here. I hear the Russians are the best though. Very thorough, and they don't give a SHIT about modesty or pain-prevention. Must be all the vodka and standing in long lines. "OK! Leg behind back! Leg up wall! Flip over! No wheempereeng, Amereekan softie!"

**credit where credit is due: "full telly" of course originates from The Break-Up.

**seriously. Accidental full-telly is fucking painful. Learn from our mistakes.

Banana Fanna Fo Fanna

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 58 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Interesting? Umm.

Would you maybe like me to tell about how tired I am? That's super interesting, right?

Argh. 

(lost the link to the blog where I found this, but it's somewhere in this list. Yep, we're doing it.)

xoxo, A

You-Google-Izer

Hey, fun game! Go to your history, and look up all your Googles for the past week. Total brain dissection.

(Dunno 'bout you, but I am SAD* right now. Really. I just spent 15 minutes lying on the floor, with the cat on my chest, purring into my face. Thinking, is it too early to go to bed? The cat likes it though.)

Anyway, my brain on Google:

"Bush's Cabinet Members"  (duhhh...)

"what shoes do i wear with this dress" (Swaying Jenny's getting married!)

"worker 3116" (we're obsessed, you know this)

"hale bob shoes" (wedding shoes!)

"nicole miller dress" (ok, agonizing over wedding outfit)

"Gerald Nepom Department of Defense" (see, we don't just care about shoes and clothes!)

"ovulation predictor" (JUST CURIOSITY I SWEAR)

"what is a packet error on a blackberry" (couldn't SMS! o-M-GEE!)

"Laird Kopp" (cutest boy in my high school, still pretty cute, right?)

"How to tell when an egg is spoiled" (secretly wanted a joke answer, like, "it keeps asking for a PONY")

"cat diarrhea" (Don't Ask. Really. Eliza and I have only just barely made up)

Show me yours!

xoxo, A

*does it bother anyone else that this acronym pronounces like "Numb, Ha?"