Discombobulation Station

Uuuuuuuuuh. Uh, zzzzzz.

Seriously, I got nuthin. This week, it been long, and tiring. And teething. And quitting. And so on.

Oh, we had these elections that partly really sucked (but partly might be awesome). So I will leave you with a video from my cobloggess's TV boyfriend, John Stewart:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Can't Get Queer From Here
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

Good weekends, all.

xoxo, A

When Everything Falls Apart

You ever have one of those weeks in which you just expect everything to just keep breaking down on you? I do. Sometimes its my body, a virus or an illness or an exhaustion just taking over one little bit every day. Lately, at the end of this wonderful summer (I'm not being sarcastic its been a great summer), I feel as if mechanically, logistically, sensibly - everything is going to break. Perhaps summer has put a curse down because it's mad that fall is creeping in on it?

I guess it might have started when I decided to take the 1990 Mercedes on a road trip to Cleveland to visit my folks. My dad has already driven me batty with his criticism of the car he had never met, and the car in question had just survived a trip to Mackinac Island and back. I liked the idea of a triumphant return to the homeland - "I have no job, yet I drive a red Mercedes - behold my hood ornament and bow before me. Now I'm off to get cheap cigarettes."

I started the trip off wrong by a) being incredibly hungover on whiskey cocktails (Real Housewives of Atlanta is on Thursday nights and housemate likes to have a little party every week with some local gals), and b) I had no car air conditioning in 90 degree + weather. I hadn't really missed the a/c before because well, its hasn't been too hot of a summer. The last roadtrip was a mid 70s type weather, and we were along the MI coast on smaller roads. Interstate 80/90, with no cloud cover or any shade whatsoever, for 6 hours was going to do me in. I had to stop at just about every other rest stop and get ice water and empty my emptying bladder (I was also apparently on a hunger strike for some reason). I practiced breathing exercises and tried to think happy thoughts.

About fifteen miles outside of Toledo I noticed that the steering wheel got stiff, not that I was steering much coming out of flat and boring Indiana, but the normal side to side adjustments set me off. I tried changing lanes, and although I could do it safely, the wheel was definitely different. I had been planning on the next rest stop at any rate and I pulled in. And tried to turn to the right to go to the car park. And realized not only were the breaks not going to help that happen but the steering was not going to go over that far either. I managed to find a spot straight ahead and stop. All the lights came up red on the dash and I turned the engine off. I called motoboy, who knows all things moto even on a car. "Hi baby. How are you? Oh good. Well, I'm a little concerned..." He asked me to open the hood and when I got out of the car I noticed a lot of steam emanating from one corner. Oh no its on fire! But alas, it was near what looked like a plastic container of water (radiator fluid, I later learned) so perhaps it was performing its function. I told him what had happened and what things looked like now and Dr. Moto immediately knew - he asked me to look directly in front of me for the fan belt. And I informed him it was in shreds.

As it happens I broke down in the best place possible, as the AAA-approved tow truck lived only one exit away, and they were across the street from the Toledo airport, where I could rent a car if need be. As it turned out it wasn't just the fan belt that was busted, so parts had to be ordered and I went on my way to land-o-cleve in a delightful little shit gold Kia. I loved this car like no other because it had two things I could now not live without: air conditioning and a fan belt. I think the breakdown might have been divine intervention because I'm not sure what might have happened if I continued to sweat in the Mercedes (lovingly nicknamed now "the money pit"). Perhaps I would have passed out, or swerved out of control, or just abandoned it on the side of the road? All much more expensive options.

So I finally was able to return to Toledo, and in turn then Chicago on Tuesday evening. Got right back into being busy on my internship and little sales job and motoboy's parents were in town and it as all great but I was still kindof in shock from my own family trip. I should have taken a full day to myself after all of that but it was not to be.

And then, on the Monday after they left, there was a burbling fountain from outside my window. In the treelawn ("parkway" to the rest of you midwesterners). And it was coming up from the water pipes underground. I watched the city crews come out and stand around and look at it. Then they came back a few hours later and dug a hole around it, turned off the water. Then they inexplicably dug a hole across the street, wherein they hit another pipe and ruptured that side. They fixed that side (leaving the gaping hole) and came back to our side where they dug all kinds of holes and filled them back up. One young lady finished her water and threw the bottle into the hole and then buried it. Housemate and I were riveted by all the activity all night, and watched from excellent vantage points on the second floor. Then at ten pm they packed up and went home, leaving us still without water. I later learned they had promised a night crew was coming at eleven, because overtime was verboten as the city is saving up for the Olympics, if it comes this way. Then no one came all night or in the morning, and I was looking for the upstairs neighbor who was in charge of all the communication, and then finally I called 311 and they told me the water should be back on. It's not on in my building! I said. And then we called the Alderman's office and they used a special secret hotline to the Water Mismanagement Department and finally someone came out and said why is this not finished? And we said I dunno you tell me you're the guys who should know. And it turned out the foreman of the night crew had a death in the family and they decided not to come or tell anyone else and no one at Water Mismanagement (I got this nickname from a cute worker I ran into today) even wondered if the job was done. But, 48 hours later, we were finally able to flush our toilets and wash our dishes and have a new appreciation for something we had taken for granted. Ever wonder how many times you reach for the faucet while preparing a small meal in the kitchen? Now I know.

Here's to nothing else breaking for a little while?

E

Funemployment: A Day In The Life

10:00am: Wake up, kitty is screaming my name even though housemate fed her over two hours ago. Mwrewen!
10:15: Get out of bed
10:16: Put on kettle for tea
10:20: Take tea to computer, check two email accounts and IM
10:20-10:30: IM with A, things like "HAI," "Goooood morning!" and "Wot you do last night?"
10:30-12:00: Reply to emails about Girl's Weekend in MI in July. Planning takes many emails and exclamation points.
12:00-12:15: Shower and put on jeans and a t-shirt, and my pink hoodie that I have been wearing for a week.
12:30-2:00: Lunch and a movie. Lunch most likely consists of salami sandwich or mac n cheese. Movies have included Nights in Rodanthe (crying to kitty- "It's just so SAD!") and The Wrestler.
2:00: Check email to see what I missed re: IM and GW09 emails. Perhaps apply for job, email strangers to please meet me with me, or send prepared activist emails on environment and grizzly bears.
3:00: Run errands. Dollar store for TP, local grocer for Peligrino Aranciata and salami. Library for more Maeve Binchy books (am on a kick with the Binchy I don't know why).
4:00: Glass of wine in the garden with book (weather permitting). (Alt: walk in park)
6:00: Housemate comes home, commence reality TV binge.
8:00: Dinner, possibly.
11:00: Bed with book.

Evening has exceptions such as dinner with motoboy, writing group, or happy hour with people that actually have jobs.

It's the life! But I am starting to get a little bit weird. I am so used to having all this quiet time to myself that if I have to spend more than two days with people I get a little exhausted. Probably not a good thing. Am ready for another little 2-3 week gig in order not to deplete my savings too much. As soon as I get back from my third vacation since May. That's only fair, right? See you tomorrow in Maine Ms. A! Can't wait to see the wee one. Am also curious as to what the movie on the bus from Boston might be. I'll text you when I find out.

E.

Let's Be Friends

Everything I read about Heidi and Seal makes me want to hang out with them. How do you think we could make that happen? Without a restraining order?

xoxo, A

Proud of ME

Hurrah!

And how cute is the photo on the sidebar? Choked me right up. Maineaics (like most New England folk) are not known for overt or public displays of affection, but this is one occasion where it is more than appropriate, methinks.

Next, New Hampshire!

xoxo, A

THIRTY NINE DAYS

HFS you guys, only a little over a month to go before I am a mommy and start blogging about breastfeeding and post 1000 pictures of my baby and tell you AAAAALL the details etc like the "mommybloggers" do. Not that I am against that, no way. I am way addicted to a small pack of mommybloggers and have found them to be useful resources.  It is good, when you are feeling ambivalent about the whole endeavor (somehow I am finding room to have doubts SIMULTANEOUS with choosing an awesome name, washing the most adorable wee clothses, etc etc.), to read stuff from these smart cool funny ladies who are in love with their adorable bebes.

 I am just warning you all.

But in the meantime, per request, here is how the pregnancy thing goes for me so far:

PRE-CONCEPTION: The FYC and I were having an excellently fun day at the Old Port Festival, running around all over Portland with fun people, drinking margaritas out of Nalgene bottles, etc. At one point I turned to my fine fellow and asked him to remind me to start my new packet of birth control pills when we got home, and he said, FUCK THOSE PILLS and just like that, we were kinda sorta trying.  This REALLY FREAKED ME OUT, but fortunately didn't have that long to think about it, because I got knocked up 6 weeks later. So much for the "old eggs" bullshit.

CONCEPTION: Um. I think you know how this happens. But I will tell you that it was a torrid July night, and we think one of us was on magic mushrooms at the time.  Hee hee.  It took two home pregnancy tests and a trip to Planned Parenthood before we believed it. 

FIRST TRIMESTER: Soooo tired. Sooo sooo sooo tired. And also? Buying a house and getting a new job and fixing up new house and planning a move. No time to be tired! And also, while I did not puke,  I almost fainted a couple of times because of poor meal planning. And by that we mean: not having something to eat directly in front of my face at all times. No food aversions here, except I couldn't stand the smell of beer. Which was sort of handy I guess.  Tried to quit caffiene, which was just dumb. Cut back to one cup of half-caf a day and saved everyone in the world a lot of problems. I went to Chicago to visit my co-blogger and we DID NOT DRINK. It was totally bizarre, but so relaxing. Vacations are so different without hangovers!

Also: libido? Gone. Poor FYC.

And oh, the nerve-wracking anxiety. Would the baby be deformed because I ate turkey before I knew I was pregnant? Would I lose the baby because I got drunk one time before I knew I was pregnant? What about that time I cleaned the litter box aggghhh I want to lay down and wake up at 20 weeks. But one good thing about being of "advanced maternal age" is that you get to go to lots of ultrasounds, each one (knock on wood) more reassuring than the last.

And did I mention that I am one of our nation's uninsured? Yep, we gonna do this the ol' fashion way: with cash. So it's off to the low-cost clinic for me, where my very nice, seemingly competent doctor has braces. BRACES!! Fortunately by my second visit they are off and she looks older than 20, but she still says things are awesome and cool.  I am tempted to look her up on myspace.

SECOND TRIMESTER: Dizzy spells decrease, energy increases. Start thinking more positively about everything. Around 20 weeks, belly started to look like a preggo belly, not "just American" as Nurse Susie's HILARIOUS German boyfriend pointed out during our October trip to NYC.  A trip where I looked longingly at sushi and rare duck but also went for lovely walks and saw more babies then I had ever noticed in my entire life.  I could eat anything you put in front of me, anytime. Except of course the 1001 things I cannot eat and OMG WINE I JUST WANT SOME WINE.

My blood pressure starts to get stupid low, like, sometimes the nurses look at me after they take the cuff off and ask "Are you lightheaded right now?" Dr. NiceLady is not concerned so much about anything, which for a few weeks makes me want to fire her, but then I realize that this is exactly the attitude I am looking for. Why pay for a panicky doctor when I can google and panic at home? No, I start to love my laid-back Cleveland-born-n-bred Doctor. 

Jobs and house continue apace - stress and schedule take a toll on my sanity occasionally but when I am feeling low, I just remember Swaying Jenny's advice: Ignore everything you feel for the next year or so. You're crazy and sleep-deprived. This works like a charm. 

Baby starts kicking me. If you haven't felt this particular sensation...well. It is just about the strangest thing in the entire world. Imagine a playful, declawed kitten in a laundry bag, inside your abdomen.  Does that image work? Sometimes it also feels like bocce balls rolling around inside a large sock. Or someone breathing on the back of your neck but in your stomach. Rilly, rilly weird.
And comforting of course.

And just in case you were curious. Libido: still gone. Yoo-hoo, sex drive? Where hast thou gone? Poor, poor boyfriend. 

THIRD TRIMESTER: Right at the beginning, my co-blogger, Nurse Susie, and Swaying Jenny throw me the BEST SHOWER IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD. Seriously, people. It was lovely and chill and had amazing cupcakes and people came from halfway across the country to see me and give me presents. So I am loving 3rd trimester. Plus, I am feeling damn good: sleeping well, appetite awesome, taking walks as weather permits and doing my prenatal yoga. Even...shhh...don't scare it away...I kind of feel like having sex sometimes.  Sometimes the baby moves in such odd ways that my belly looks like a cartoon - angled this direction or that in a way you never would have thought natural. All is going really well.

But then. The first trimester hormones seem to make a comeback on occasion. I pick a huge fight with the FYC on his birthday eve (still feel terrible about it), act a brat at my family shower (didn't want to do the "guess how big her belly is" game! Waah!), and sortof want to cry often. I feel myself turning inward, not wanting to expend any excess energy on socializing or even stupid fucking work. But at the same time I feel hugely restless, fantasizing about trips to Europe and massive organization projects. Start to feel like maybe it's not just pregnancy but this FUCKING GODDAMN WINTER that is driving me nuts. Because it seems like everyone is sort of feeling the same way, even non-preggos.

So, I resolve to take it easy where I can. Go in the sun whenever it is out. Talk to people but not too many. Make sure to keep in touch with friends so they will come visit after the baby is born even if I am too overwhelmed to ask them to come. Wash the teeny baby clothes and set up the nursery. Watch a lot of movies. Forgive myself for any ambivalence because I know my first glance at this baby girl is going to be amazing.

Enjoy the last few days of regular old me, before I turn mommy.

Aren't you glad you asked, Jen?

xoxo, A

Holdin Steady

I do kind of feel like I'm on a really winning race horse. Despite the odds, despite the rumors, despite the general consensus. I feel like I'm doing a-ok.

I like this freelance feeling. And you know what else is weird? Ever since I quit that terrible job I've had more money in my checking account than I ever did when I had a staff job. Sure, some of that is borrowed, or re-directed, but its still more. I'm just much more careful about it. I'm more likely to invite you over for a meal than out to a bar. You'll have more fun at my house cos I'l let you smoke in the windowsill.

It was funny tonight, when MCQ (forget how to finish this!?) read me my horrorscope over many glasses o afternoon wine and 80s movies at SW's house (yes we know how to celebrate our presidents!) and it said: a) my career was in a bad place, and b) my relationship was deteriorating and c) I had some sort of other ailment....I had to think. Wait. No that's not it at all. I've got most of this sorted out.

I'm happy, and I'm doing it my way. And despite what CNN has to say it the best way I've seen it to so far.

Funny Friday videos. political comments, and fashion to come soon. Right A.??

xoxoxo

E.

Unemployed Chicago

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while! I guess its pretty quiet in my corner of the world.

I've been trying to sell a sunny piece about being unemployed and how to save money and build resources while you wait for the recession to pass over like a bad storm.

This is my draft .

But in reality, I want to sell a much more realistic piece about what you really have to do. Just. Get. By.

That's here.

And if I win my unemployment battle, I want to write something more akin to this hilarious essay from one very happy unemployed guy (he got his insurance).

By the way, I'm roasting another chicken and the boy is meant to come over with some wine. Score!

E.

"If you're really serious about putting a stop to gay sex, let them get married."

The above is just one quotable quote from this wise - and humorous - take on Prop 8 from an ACTUAL MORMON. Brave man.

Still having a bit of a problem absorbing last week as reality. E. witnessed the whole darn thing, so I KNOW it actually happened. We do not have a sad grampa and an idiot coming into office in January. OK. But. Obama does not have rainbows and unicorns coming out of his ears,  and we were not showered with Dow points and dollar bills upon his election, and the passing of Prop 8 clearly shows we have LOTS of work to do as a nation before we become a true beacon of tolerance and fairness.  And, uh, economy blah blah blah. But it's a start, right? Right?

We found out this morning that we are having a girl. A GIRL, in all of this whirl. I am also having trouble wrapping my brain around that one. A DAUGHTER.

So maybe we can look back at this crazy year and say: look, honey. A woman ran for president, and didn't lose because of being a woman, just for being sort of unloveable and having some baggage, and while we pretty much hate her, a female-person was almost VP (and probably would have been president at some point).  So, you can be president. Or a senator. Or a stay-at-home-mom. You can be a tuba player, or a weaver, or a soccer star, or a marketing executive, or a trial lawyer, or a whatever-the-heck-you-want. Because, at the very least, our nation has learned THAT lesson. Or is learning. It's a start. But first, we have some work to do. Hopefully the couple of decades will only get better. For all of us.

xoxo, A

Election Night Grant Park

Although I was a bit nervous about the crowds, I'm so glad I went. I met motoboy downtown and we had a few beers here, which is my new favorite place because all the staff cusses and swears and the bartender has a neck tattoo and totally overserves people (especially the drunk I spent 10 minutes ignoring). Also, you can hear the word "sausage" pronounced in correct Chicago vernacular. Loudly, and repeatedly (they do slices to-go). Then we went over here, which was not my most favorite place in the world, but it was my idea so let's forget about it. 

We saw on TV that they were letting the ticketed passengers in well before 8.30 so we went for it. The streets seemed relatively tame until we got close to Michigan and then it got real lively. Lots of Chicago "entrepenuers" with their home made t-shirts and even spirit towels (?), people shouting, loads of college kids especially headed to the park. One vendor even had a laptop and turned the news splash towards as us we walked - "Barak wins Pennsylvania!" YEAH!

This was all sort of tempered by an hour in line. There were three different checkpoints and a metal detector, but everyone was sharing what news they had when they got it and the atmosphere was excited and friendly. 

We started off pretty close to the main screen but as it was only playing CNN I got a bit restless and made us move in order to pee (I had had three beers oops) and get some water and generally go on an adventure. I can watch TV at home, with a couch and a glass of wine at that.  It was super easy to get around though, as everyone kindof staked out a place to stand or sit pretty quickly upon arrival. We got waters and found a little grassy knoll behind the food stands to sit down. Then we realized we could see the jumbotron and the stage from a distance so that's where we hung out. I'm always glad for an inclined grassy hill to sit on. Ten o'clock rolled around pretty quickly after that. 

We had been waiting on them to call Virginia, his home state where we had just visited, and it all seemed to happen in a matter of minutes. CNN said he won Virginia and then the set just lit up and called it for Obama. The crowd went WILD and you could see nothing but hands in the air. My instinct was to take bad video, of course, but the cheering and celebration went on for hours anyway. 

They showed the McCain concession speech first and he actually got a respectful round of applause, kindof how sports teams will give each other a high five after a game. Like, we hated you a minute ago but actually - good effort on your part. Just don't let that crazy dumb Alaskan woman speak. We then had Bishop someone say a prayer that could have been a bit more secular but hey, its politics, so I'm becoming accustomed to lots of god stuff thrown in all the time, and then Kim someone sang the anthem but I suspect she had a cold or no one auditioned her for this because it was not her jam (plus she forgot a few words) and then some other dude came out and then finally the Obama family. Those little girls are just gorgeous and so very gracious and cute on stage. Michelle looked great despite her wardrobe choice. Everyone just looked really happy but calm, maybe a bit exhausted after so many years of campaigning. His speech was amazing of course, I didn't video it although everyone else did which is kindof a waste because I suspect it will be on Youtube forever. By this time we were standing closer to the stage watching the jumbotron and drinking coffee and hot chocolate and squeezin' each other and everyone had been dancing between the speeches and it really felt like a home town party. 

As soon as the speech finished we looked at each other and knowing we were close to the exit we made our way out to jump on the bike. It was slow going up the stairs though because everyone kept turning around to see the last glimpses of the elect-family, now with Biden and Jill on stage, but I did see that little forehead kiss Barak gave to Michelle live, which was very sweet and real. 

Michigan avenue was totally open to pedestrians which was fun, and I think we were the first ones home from the park because motoboy happened to park at a garage right on the edge of the streets that were open and we jumped on the highway and were home by midnight. I told Elsa the dog and Moca the kitty all about what happened and they were really excited too, especially Elsa. She ran around the back yard about a jillion times. 

It feels like I live in a different country, one I'm not afraid to own up to when I travel. The one I came back from Ireland for. I knew it was here, buried, neglected, it's heart still beating somehow. And I was so proud to have this party in my adopted hometown. 

So maybe now I'll get a job and everything will be perfect? Nearly?  

Pics are here.

E.