Texas and Some City Stuff

I can't say enough how much I enjoyed Texas. I don't know what I was expecting, but what I got is basically what you would get if you programmed the Star Trek fantasy room* to create for me the perfect Texas weekend. Herein is my proof that the entire atmosphere was made up for my benefit.

We landed and SH picked us up in a pickemuptruck with her ranch dog, Picarino, in tow, outfitted in a neckerchief for our amusement. We were a little peckish and found ourselves a Chick-Fil-A and got to eat it in the car! Next we pulled up to the most charming Texas ranch, which we reached by a series of private seeming roads with many a cow-barrier**. When we got in I took a quick nap while everyone else settled in and had some drinks. I missed the sight of motoboy pulling lettuce and radishes for our dinner, but there is photographic evidence of such. We had a lovely meal of pulled pork cooked on the BBQ and later, a nice vista of all the farmland from the porch. Again, totally arranged for my viewing pleasure, must be.

I remember when I was in fifth grade, I had this lazy afternoon daydream that I suddenly believed was my new reality. I'm sure we've all had this delusion at some point, whether it be a result of college drug binges or too much time alone etc. I was surely convinced that I was the only living breathing human and everything around me was now constructed for me to experience, and perhaps someone or something out there was monitoring my advancement. No, you never thought this yourself?

At any rate, I was feeling this again, but much more pleasantly so, in Texas. Driving through the little main street of Fredericksburg, with its antique shops and glass shops and candle shops, it was as if someone had created the perfect little Hill country town for our amusement. We climbed a big old giant rock that looked like the surface of Mars, thanks Disney-Texas! We went to a lovely little farm house restaurant called the  Herb Garden where a little orange kitty kept getting chased out (and sneaking back in) and we ate delicious locally grown foods flavored with herbs from outside the window. Then we drove out to Luchenbach, an an entire town that consists of a dance hall, a bar, a gift shop and an outdoor hat shop and stage. Thank you German settlers for constructing something so perfectly Texas and quaint for me! We had a few bottles of beer and I danced with my sweetie, then he had a little more beer  and we got better, and we all generally enjoyed the open air and all the really talented two-steppers in the crowd. Also, motoboy bought a hat from a man with a  wonderful Texas twang who said that he had been making hats for over 20 years. Good casting SH!

Oh and they also had constructed these charming wineries for our enjoyment, we visited three of varying taste and style. The best one was the Becker winery, because it has a really grand tasting room and a generous amount of property. Our host had arranged for the Lavender Festival to be going on at the same time as our brief visit to the winery.  Delightful!

However, the whole Texas as my wild west fantasy playground thing was only dampened (literally) by the fact that us midwesterners brought our wet spring weather with us. But I have a feeling that the weather was also probably arranged (read: rain dance) by our hosts so as to throw me off the track of the perfect Texas weekend they had prepared in our honor. Ha! Fat chance! I got you guys good!

So what I really learned was this - Texas is awesome and if I had to go live there for a job or something I wouldn't mind too much. As long as I can live in this nice hill country place of which I know.

So back in the city, Friday night came along and I had guest passes to go see Peaches at the Metro. I haven't really been following her career but I remember when she first came out with a few tunes, and she had done a fun collaboration with Iggy Pop which is on a comp mix that comes up on my ipod. I got MCWMMQ (sorry darlin I can't remember all your names) to come with me, we got some $7 beers and settled into one of my guaranteed spots in the Metro (not telling you where). But as we looked around the crowd, it became harder and harder to figure out who was there for what. I had expected a bunch of baby lesbians, who I love because they have really great fashion and are way cooler than I'll ever be. But in some reserved seats next to us was a table of middle aged to nearly senior citizen people, two couples. They had first caught our attention after Evil Beaver went off stage (they are so much like the music I used to play in my h.s. band I loved it), and this really weird one act came up called Drums of Death, a pudgy Scottish kid in jeans and a t-shirt and white face makeup, with a mac laptop and some mixers. He started playing really terrible electroclash while pumping his fists in the air. I felt like I was watching my brother on acid in his bedroom, pretending to be some sort of DJ in outer space. However, one of the ladies at the table next to us got up and started suburban mom dancing her heart out, and she danced her ass off for the entire show. I just stood there with my mouth agape, looking around, looking at the stage and not being able to comprehend what the hell was going on. This was further exacerbated by a crowd of artsy types who decided to come to my secret spot and stand in front of us. There was a tall Hare Krishna looking dude who was wearing a long canvas skirt (hope he didn't walk home through Wrigleyville) and some more baby lesbians who were on first dates and some artsy non-profit looking types. MCWMMQ & I moved to an elevated spot behind the old people dancing, wherein the kinder older gentleman with the white mustache moved two of the chairs aside and motioned us to step through closer to the railing. This, however had not been cleared with his gentleman companion who came back and proceeded to move chairs onto our feet and put his back directly in front of my nose etc etc. I went to go get a beer and when I came back MCWMMQ informed me that not only did this guy continue to shove her around, but then he got security to come over and demand that everyone in front of him sit down so his party could sit in their seats and enjoy the show! Metro security humored him which makes me wonder who the heck he is because they are more likely to tell someone to feck off. So MCWMMQ and I decide to go back downstairs to get the full Peaches flavor, as she seemed to be putting on a really fantastic show with lots of costume changes. However, downstairs there seemed to be some sort of frat party going on, people just passing beers and shouting. These Lincoln Park types were mixed in with a smattering of people who looked like they drove in from rural Indiana. As soon as her show was done I told MCWMMQ that I would be outside as I was just too thoroughly confused. Even one of the bouncers, who I used to serve coffee to in college when he was a straight edged punk layabout, came by and confided in me, "this is a really fucking weird crowd tonight."

So am I old, or is the city harder to figure out than Texas? This is supposed to be my territory. Hrmm.

xo

E.

*need help remembering what this was called

**also not sure if this is the right term

BONUS:

If you haven't witnessed the facebook phenomenon, here is footage of SW shooting her first shotgun. Enjoy!

Comments

[A.]

You do make Texas sound great; they should hire you to do their ads. Cause I have never before thought I might want to go to Texas, but now, I kind of do.

p.s. Who was the Metro bouncer?

[Sara]

I think the "fantasy room" is called a "holo-deck" (i.e. hologram deck).

I would like to go to a Renaissance Fair, dressed in Star Trek uniforms, and pretend that I am on an away team to a very primitive planet.

[E.]

@A - remember the big black guy among the soy boys - we called him big something? Actually as it turned out they couldn't find my name on any lists but he recognized me and I told him I used to serve his hot waters at Kafein. He waved us in.

@Sara - thank you for the nerd save. Also, I totally want to go to Ren Fair this year - you are screwed!

[MB]

Remember when we went to the Bristol Ren Fair and were at first caught off guard by the Saxon Warrior type guy who was role playing and asked us where are men were and if they were silly? Ah, the good old days.... Apparently there is a Ren Fair meets State Fair meets Hippy Paradise Music Fest that happens out here that I have yet to attend. Can't wait! And, I thought it was the Holideck (like holiday) but Sara is right: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holodeck

[E.]

Yes Ren Fair does not make sense without beer. After a few mugs of ale I wished I was in costume too. The Portland version might throw me for a new loop, however. You gotta go and report back!